Category: Current Events (page 28 of 91)

500 Words on Vera

I named my car Vera.

I think it was almost 5 years ago that my old car had a close encounter of the highway divider kind. I picked up a black Honda Civic coupe from a company called CarSense, and she already had a custom exhaust and great pick-up. Considering she was the very best car I ever owned, I made a deliberate callback to Firefly and named her Vera.

She’s run pretty well over the last few years. I’ve had very few problems to speak of. But now, she’s 117000+ miles into her life. I’ve paid her off completely. And now, she’s started developing major issues. If I were to get absolutely everything fixed, I’d be spending about half of her trade-in value.

I know that other cars have lasted longer than this. A lot of people put a ton of TLC into their cars themselves, extending the life of their modern chariots to ludicrous levels. I respect that deeply. And I know that older cars were built to last. They were not built to support an economy of replacement parts and second-hand labor. They were built, simply, to work, and keep working.

Vera’s been a companion for a long time. She’s been to and from Canada several times, crossed the state of Pennsylvania, and getting to and from PAX East could have been a lot worse. She’s comfortable to ride in. I upgraded her radio recently so she syncs with my iPhone, plays music from a thumb drive, and sounds fantastic. I’ve always liked the thrum of her engine and the roar of her acceleration. Until the last couple days, she hasn’t let me down or left me stranded. She’s been reliable, quick, and tough.

For years she’s had a dent on her driver’s side. After getting wanged by a post on the way to Canada during some nasty weather, she continued to run just fine after she got pulled out of the ditch. She’s worn that dent with pride. I guess there was a part of me that thought of her as kind of invincible. She even gets good gas mileage – 33 or more miles to the gallon on the highway. Not as good as a hybrid, or the Tesla I’ve been eyeing up, but decent.

I’m going to miss her.

I’m contemplating trading her in. I don’t know if I can trust her for the entire drive out to Seattle in August. It turns out that even after these repairs are done, she’ll develop more problems, possibly sooner rather than later. I feel like a family member has been given a medical diagnosis with a questionable outcome. I really don’t know the best way to proceed. I guess I’ll figure that out over the next few days.

Either way, I don’t think Vera will be my car for very much longer.

It’s been a long trip. A good one. It’s had ups and downs but I’ve survived, and so has she.

Thanks for everything, Vera. I’ll miss you.

Back on Track

Courtesy allthingshealing.com

Just a quick update to tell you folks I’m back to a regular workout schedule. I’m alternating between running and lifting again, but I’m lifting at home with dumbbells and I’m back on a beginner-to-5k program to help get into better shape. I kind of let myself go over the winter. Hopefully, I can take steps to keep that from happening again.

If you want to follow my progress, check out the following:

My RunKeeper profile.

And my Fitocracy profile.

Thanks as always for your support!

500 Words on Headspace

Courtesy floating robes
Courtesy Floating Robes

I hate whining. I loathe making excuses. When I break down emotionally and start blathering about why I can’t keep my shit together, I feel like a petulant 4-year-old, throwing a tantrum because he didn’t get his way. I’m an adult, I should be able to just roll with whatever abuse comes my way, shrug off the anguish and just do my job, right? Isn’t that what everybody else does?

I’m not sure why my brain is wired like that. I don’t know why I get at such odds with myself. People get hurt and go through rough patches all the time. There’s nothing new about it, and it’s nothing that should cause an over-abundance of shame. Yet I struggle with it. Even now, I find myself getting distracted far too easily rather than hashing this out.

It’s hard not to feel like a good portion of my time has been wasted over the last few years. Sure, I’ve learned a lot about corporate culture. I’ve made some very good friends and I have at least some salvageable work experiences. However, I’ve taken “work where I can get it” rather than really trying to cultivate my actual core skill set. I’ve “gotten by” rather than applying myself to a craft that I both have some real talent in and feel good about producing. I’ve tried to cram it into narrow gaps of time and opportunity rather than making it my primary focus. I’ve been untrue to myself.

I think that’s where a lot of my angst comes from. I know I am, in essence, wasting my time. And time is a precious thing. Life could end at any moment. Traffic accidents happen every day. Everything from falling masonry to leaking gas can be fatal. Hell, I could drop dead at this keyboard right now from an undiagnosed blood clot in my brain or something. I am keenly aware of the fact that we only get one shot at making ourselves the best version of ourselves we can be, and I’ve been failing in that for the better part of a decade.

Now and again, that version of me does break the surface. And even when I’m wrapped up in the obligations and distractions that I allow to impede me, I try to be informed more by generosity, justice, and duty rather than frustration, spite, and rage. That doesn’t always work out for the best, and I know I can’t expect brownie points for trying. But I do try, dammit.

I can’t undo the mistakes in my past, be they big or small. But I know the past me is dead and buried.

The future is unwritten, but I hope the future me is better than who I am today.

All we really have is right now, this moment. And I feel like I’ve been letting more than a few days go unseized.

That’s Carpe Diem for you Latin/slogan nuts.

And yes… I suppose “YOLO” applies.

I’m just so very tired.

The Tank Is Empty

I can’t.

I’ve been struggling all week to get something together for this week’s Terribleminds flash fiction, to try and maintain some semblance of a sane schedule somewhere in my life, and… it’s crap. It’s complete shit. It’s directionless and feels lifted from a larger narrative rather than standing on its own. I can’t put it up and call it Flash Fiction. I just can’t.

I am just going to call this week a wash, write out 500 words about how much my headspace sucks tomorrow, and try to recover over the weekend.

You all have my most sincere apologies.

Schedule? What Schedule?

Test Pattern

I’m not making nearly enough time to write.

I hate myself for this. I hate that I can’t seem to parcel out my hours and my energy in such a way that I can get all of the work I need to complete done in as timely and complete a manner as I would like. I can talk a bit here and vent to friends and dispense some bile on Tumblr but other than that, I feel trapped in a corner and my fingernails are raw and worn down from trying to claw my way out.

Needless to say the blog schedule is in something of a state of upheaval as I work through this. I’m sorry about that.

So yeah. Done with the dayjob for the day and now it’s on to tackle all of the chores left undone around the flat.

Hooray for adulthood.

Older posts Newer posts

© 2024 Blue Ink Alchemy

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑