Category: Current Events (page 55 of 91)

Thirty Four

Courtesy Valve

These are still relatively new surroundings. The space is larger, configured differently, closer to the dayjob, and packed with amenities which in my mind justify the higher rent. And yet I find myself wondering if I’m actually in the same place I was last year.

I’m more stable mentally, but still given to the occasional outburst or bout of unintended drama. I keep telling myself it’s a human thing, we all have bad days, I shouldn’t worry so much. But there’s still the fear I can’t quite shake and am not always able to face.

For over a year the dayjob’s been good to me. I’ve tried to be good right back at it. The fact that I’m still employed there indicates to me that I’ve mostly been successful in that regard. Yet I know that this is a precarious world and anything could happen, so I won’t take it for granted.

I’ve published one novella. I want to write and publish more. I struggle with my own energy levels and various excuses in order to make more time to do it. I haven’t been as successful as I’d like there, much like I wasn’t a year ago, and I need to change that.

There are a lot of people out there who are interested in me and what I do, who care about my well-being, and who I never want to let down. The fact that I know I will sooner or later bothers me, but I try not to let it define my daily life. I try to focus on the determination to not do that deliberately and just do the best I can with what’s in front of me. Sometimes I get it right. Others, I try to make it right.

This is coming across as awfully dire. I should be celebrating, shouldn’t I? I survived another year. I’m alive, healthy, in control of my faculties, and still reasonably attractive and talented. I can make the oncoming year better than the last.

But if I didn’t pause and reflect, I might delude myself into thinking I already have. Instead, I see I have plenty of work in front of me. Only thing for it is to roll up my sleeves and get to it.

Writer Report: One Thousand

This marks the one thousandth post on my blog. I really don’t know if this should be a big deal, or not.

On the one hand, a thousand is a LOT. It means that, for almost three years off and on, I’ve been blathering my thoughts out into the nothingness of the Internet. Occasionally, this drivel gets into the faces of people who appreciate it, and I don’t know if I’d still be doing this if it weren’t for you. Yes, YOU, even the person who stumbled across the blog with a Google Image search (which, according to my dash, is how I get roughly half of my traffic). It also helps that I flat-out enjoy writing, even when the writing feels somewhat arduous. More on that in a bit.

On the other hand, all I’ve done is blather for a thousand posts. I mean, it’s my hope that someone somewhere found something of value in a couple of my posts, but from my perspective, half of the time I’m just brain-dumping into a text window. As much as I’d like to think that the right words in the right order perceived by the right person can save the world, my opinion of myself is not so high to think that I have those words, that order, or such a person that reads this. I could be wrong, though. There’s also the fact that, after a thousand posts, I still only have one actual publication of my own out there and it’s sort of stagnant at the moment. Which is probably due to a lack of promotion. Time to schedule some tweets!

I certainly can’t make a career out of blogging, at least not with just this thing unless I do something like sign up with Project Wonderful for ads and find a way to explode all over Tumblr, so let’s move on.

The dayjob has been stressful as hell lately, but I’m making time this weekend to feng shui the living crap out of the apartment, or at the very least arrange the bedroom in such a way that, regardless of where my other half is, I can isolate myself and write. I have OpenOffice, DropBox, and little else on what I’m calling the Craptop (it’s an ancient Dell Latitude I got from the dayjob office when they were giving away old crap), and it’s portable to the degree I can sit at either the ‘kitchen’ table next to my desk or the writing desk that will be in the bedroom and be free of my major distractions. No Steam, no other games, no chat clients, no Twitter, no Tumblr, no Skype. There will eventually be a nearby shelf with board games, Magic, and other such things, but cracking those things open requires more physical effort than clicking on a link. They won’t interfere with the focus I’ll have when I get that writing groove back.

I’m going to keep the desire to write foremost in my mind, and am mostly looking towards the new year as kind of a fresh start. If I can nail down more of a routine for writing, and meet word goals I set every day, I can be much more prolific, and will finally get around to the rewriting and new writing I’m craving. Pushing forward with Cold Streets by comparison feels a bit sluggish. Maybe it’s a general lack of energy due to how much I’m pushing myself at the dayjob, and I just need a readjustment, which is why stuff is getting moved around.

The most important thing is not to quit. The second most important thing is to fucking write. Third is, I don’t know, generally being awesome? Basically you just have to keep yourself going and making sure people know you’re still at it, and eventually things will click. Or so I’ve gathered.

Anyway, thanks for hanging around, especially if you’ve been here a while. If you want to how far I’ve come, I recommend the Wayback Machine. I’m sure Mister Peabody will happily take you to any number of embarrassing anecdotes in the growth of my blog. And if you get that reference, we should totally hang out.

Daunted

Courtesy University of Northern Iowa Comp Sci Dept

As we head inevitably towards the end of the year and, consequently, the end of Q4, things at the dayjob become more and more intense. Or maybe that’s just me.

The last few days I’ve had my nose to the grindstone with a particular project. Other potential work has been moved away from me so I could focus on it. As good as it is to feel that people have my back, the obligation I feel to not let them down is a far more immediate feeling. By extension, I tend to work harder. Late nights, through lunches, weekends, and so on. And as deadlines approach, the work tends to become a bit more hectic.

The frustrating part is that after the work is done, I may not be done with it. Revisions may come back if the client changed their mind or, more likely, I did not interpret the direction of the documentation accurately enough. Additional functionality may be required. Or, as was the case last night, the whole thing may simply refuse to work once it’s in a live environment.

I’m managing the stress as best I can and keeping in mind that this won’t last forever. But my flagging energy reserves need to be addressed and I need to find my groove again.

Writer Report: Q4

Courtesy Wholehearted Ministries

We have entered the busiest time of the year at the dayjob. I’m putting in a lot of extra hours, late nights, weekends, you name it. This means I’m lacking the time and energy to fully focus on my writing. This bothers me, but I’m not sure how I can change this.

Maybe I need to make further changes to my diet and exercise schedule to get more energy. Maybe I need to find stronger coffee. Maybe I should start a coke habit. … Just kidding on that last one.

At least today, Black Friday, I can work from home. I’m putting out some fires for the bosses, but at least I’m doing it in my housecoat.

More & better news in the future, I’m sure.

Giving Thanks in 2012

Courtesy Interplay

So, let’s see. How far have we come in the last year? I’m thankful that…

  • I still have my job,
  • my wife and I have moved into a larger place,
  • she is attending classes happily and successfully,
  • I’ve gotten the first (I hope of many) story of mine published, even if it was by myself on Amazon,
  • my emotional state is stable and my mental faculties are undimmed,
  • friends, family, and acquaintances continue to reinforce a positive environment through affection and support,
  • I’m steadily losing weight,
  • and my car is still running.

As I did last year, I hope wherever you are and whomever you’re with, you enjoy today and remember to give thanks, even for the little things.

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