*makes various ‘ook’ and ‘eek’ sounds*

*slaps paws against keyboard*

*throws monitor*

So over the last few months I’ve been learning a lot about myself.

In addition to exploring my inner mental and emotional landscape, coming to terms with seizing my own sovereignty, and doing my utmost to unlearn some nasty learned behaviors, I’ve made strides in returning to a dayjob that is rewarding in both a personal and financial aspect. A couple of weeks ago, I finally found one. I’m very happy to be here.

But ye gods and little fishes, is it frustrating sometimes.

I’ve discovered that I’m actually a pretty logical thinker. To me, A should lead to B which results in C. However, sometimes my head weasels try to derail that and take me from A to B by way of Z. That’s dumb, and I’m getting better at not doing it. Even if sometimes my boss has to say “Josh, are you making things harder than they have to be again?”

I’m still not sure where I picked up my habit of trying to play life on Hard Mode.

Since I started working here, I’ve had several jam sessions regarding programming logic and order of operations related to specific tasks and goals. It’s been difficult at times for me to comprehend what goes on under the hood of certain functions, as at first the logic seems to fly in the face of common sense. However, taking a step back to realize what the code is actually doing as opposed to what we want it to do has helped. I’m still frustrated, to be sure, but at least I better understand why the hell the thing I want to work is not working.

“Hey, am I just dumb, or is it this code that’s dumb?”

That’s in jest. I know I’m not dumb. I can just overlook a fact or miss an aspect of a function that makes a thing work the way it should.

We’re looking at moving on from using WordPress as our foundation for our products, and building something in more modern, secure, and malleable code structures. I feel that getting tossed into the deep end of the current workload here has prepared me for that sort of looking ahead. I know this work will be worth it.

Man oh man, it hurts sometimes, though.

It’s like going to the gym after you’ve skipped out for a while. Or getting back to long-distance running after taking the winter off because fuck that, it’s cold outside. It hurts. You ache, and you struggle to breathe, and why in the name of all that’s good and awesome am I doing this to myself. But it’s worth it. Soon it won’t hurt so much. And the results will be even more magical than they are now.

Until then, it’s poo-tossing time.

*ook ook eek*

Thursdays are for talking tech.