Tag: horror (page 14 of 15)

Maschine Zeit: “I’m gay for Twain.”

Courtesy Machine Age Productions

In Filamena‘s Maschine Zeit game, I’ve put together a completely manic and caustic combination of Hunter S. Thompson and Spider Jerusalem. One of the groups in the game, the Independent Media, operates under the collective moniker of “S.L. Clemins” as a measure of protection. This guy, though? Don’t go in for that.

(Warning: adult language incoming.)

Spoiler

You want to know about the stations? Let me tell you about the stations. They’re the gift that keeps on giving. Earth has an overpopulation problem? Build stations & fill them with warm human bodies. Gamma-ray burst blow across the planet without making anybody Hulk out? Say the stations protected people and thus justified the investment of money and blood required to put them up. Still having energy problems? Stations have magic metal that’ll fix it. Ghost hunters running out of prisons and castles? Hey, the stations have ghosts too!

As far as I’m concerned, the stations are, have been and always will be so many tons of next-generation bullshit at the end of really, really long tethers. It’s the only reason they haven’t stinking up the planet.

I mean, yeah, we had to get some people off of the surface. We had way too many people and way too little usable space & consumable resources. Of course none of the old methods would go over that well with most governments. You ever try pitching the idea of putting a bunch of people from a given nationality or ethnicity into a little room and filling it with gas, for example? They’d tell you to go fuck yourself, and rightly so. For one thing, gunning people down’s a lot more fun.

What it boils down to is that everything about the stations is a lie. “This will solve the overpopulation problem.” They didn’t. “They’re completely safe.” Well, obviously they fucking aren’t. And now we’re to believe there’s magic metal up there and that it’s protected by ghosts? I’m as inclined to believe that as I am that the reason the stations came to be in the first place was a natural occurrence.

Basic premise of the world, folks: Everybody’s full of shit. I’m full of shit, you’re full of shit, and the corporate goons who sent all those good people to die up there are definitely full of shit. Maybe there really are ghosts on the stations. Maybe it’s one hell of a mass hallucination. Either way, it’s something I won’t buy stock in unless I get to see it myself. Not that I’ve got any chance of that. My last four steady jobs all ended because people who once considered themselves sponsors of mine, if not employers, did something embarrassing, tried to cover it up and got fucked over a cactus because they insisted on hiding it from one of the most annoying and thorough investigative journalists who ever stuck a cigarette in his shit-spewer and asked the hard fucking questions: Me.

I’m willing to entertain any theory about what’s happening up there, how things got up there and what the future holds. Just don’t throw a fucking hissy fit when I point out how illogical, unsubstantiated or thoroughly retarded your theory might be. Throw ’em at me, Internet, and I’ll knock ’em out of the park and when they break your mom’s window I’ll do more than go in there after it. If you get my meaning. And I’m sure you do.

By the way, guys, it’s “Clemens.” Samuel Langhorne fucking Clemens. Sure, all of you can be friends with this ‘Clemins’ guy, but me? I’m Samuel Langhorne fucking Clemens’ secret gay lover. And he really hates people misspelling his name. I really respect the work he’s done. The work you all have been doing? Eh, it’s hit or miss.

You’ll be hearing more from me, especially if you folks have the balls to throw ideas my way. You’ve got nothing to be afraid of, unless you’re afraid of me fucking you in the ass. I mean, if you’re all S.L. Clemins, you’re close enough for my tastes, and let me assure you, I’m very, very gay for Twain.

Maschine Zeit: A Preview

Courtesy Machine Age Productions

Here’s a few of the reasons why I’m excited by Maschine Zeit, and you should be too.

Good Scary Writing & Scary Good Writing

The best horror stories do not rely on jump-out in-your-face scares. They don’t base themselves entirely on bloodshed or gore. The effective use of stillness and partially illumination of the unknown cause for a much more tense and compelling atmosphere than the tactics employed by your local haunted house attraction. Maschine Zeit is definitely in the “stillness of the unknown” category. The writing and pacing sets the stage for the kind of flashlight-gripping terror that used to define the kind of storytelling experiences that would have Hitchcock nodding in quiet approval as the rest of the audience screamed bloody murder.

Characters That Are People, Not Just Stats

The character creation system, which I’ve tested a couple of times, has a flow to it that puts the personality of the character front and center rather than putting it behind a wall of statistics. While the stats are certainly there, Maschine Zeit again sets itself apart by actively encouraging players to min-max their characters. Instead of having player aim at being good at everything, this system ensures that the character can accomplish certain tasks with dramatic flair and apparent ease while other characters take on other roles. The shy, intelligent James Sunderland type might be good at figuring out puzzles but he’s not going to be as accurate with a pulse rifle as Duane Hicks. It might seem a bit counter-intuitive at first to players of other tabletop RPGs, but it fits right in with the atmosphere of the game and gets you into your character a bit more adroitly than sitting at a table rolling dice over and over again, praying to Gygax for the best stats possible.

An Apocalypse We Can Believe In

One of the best things that Maschine Zeit has going for it is the way its world is grounded in reality. Even as things begin to turn towards the surreal and supernatural, there’s a tone of voice that has the player thinking “Yeah, that could totally happen.” This grounding makes the events over the course of the game that much more visceral for the players. Combined with effective use of the game’s narrative structure and characters that feel more like real people than fantastical archetypes, this realistic foundation of Maschine Zeit’s world and its stories make for a unique and immersive tabletop experience that can be very difficult to find.

But find it you can, thanks to the genius minds behind Machine Age Productions. There are plans for us to play through a scenario tonight, and tomorrow might find me doing a postmortem on both how the game plays and how the characters fare.

Unless of course all y’all would rather I talk about Dan Brown or something.

Movie Review: Daybreakers

Courtesy Lionsgate

Wow, it’s been a while since I’ve reviewed a current movie. I blame my job schedule and related finances. Anyway, when I got a couple of movie passes for Christmas, my wife and I debated what we’d go see. We settled on Daybreakers and, well, anything I say here is going to sound a lot like MovieBob’s review. But you know something? It’s so good it’s worth giving the “Go See This” treatment at least twice. The movie stars Ethan Hawke, Willem Dafoe, Claudia Karvan, Michael Dorman, Isabel Lucas and Sam Neill.

Stuff I Didn’t Like

Courtesy Lionsgate
“Hmm, apparently if we extract sparkles and Dawson’s Creek romantic crap from the movie, it’ll be completely awesome!”

  • To be honest, Ethan Hawke’s character reminded me of Brad Pitt’s from Interview with a Vampire. Now, I know vampires are nothing new, and a reluctant vampire can easily shuffle the character into the ‘protagonist’ category, but I think he protested a bit too much. It didn’t really get to the point of annoyance, but it came close. Not necessarily a bad thing, per se, this is just my personal opinion.
  • I’m not sure why vampires explode when staked. My wife gives me crap for getting hung up on the fine details on vampirism when I should be more concerned about how blood-sucking fiends from beyond the grave even exist in the first place. I guess this is another personal fault, since I’ve worked with vampires quite a bit in a writing and gaming sense for many years. I mean when I’ve participated in vampire LARPs, nobody explodes when staked so I guess I’m sort of used to that. (Yes, I’ve LARPed in the past, shut up.)

Stuff I Liked

Courtesy Lionsgate
“Awesome, you say. Will it still appeal to the powerful and lucrative tween demographic? No? Then keep the sparkles in. This I command.”

  • There are so many little touches that remind you that these vampires are from the old school. They don’t cast reflections, they don’t have pulses and they have to inhale right before speaking since they don’t have to breathe. Their fangs are always out and their eyes are disconcerting unnatural colors. It’s a refreshing change from what we’ve had to deal with recently.
  • The metaphors on fuel shortage and the examples of corporate greed overwhelming the long-term benefits to humanity don’t overshadow the characterization or storytelling. They exist, they state their points and move on. Sort of like the Ethan Hawke/Brad Pitt parallel brushing the annoyance factor (again, in my opinion), the metaphors nudge but never quite mount the soapbox. They are good lessons that are well-presented, and like District 9, it’s nice to see an action genre flick that has something to say other than “HERE ARE SOME EFFECTS.”
  • I liked the degeneration of vampires into chiropteran monsters, and the varying reactions of the ‘refined’ vampires to the animalistic cannibals that were once friends or even family. As much as the vampires are themselves fiends, the different ways in which they deal with these unfortunates actually gives them a layer of humanity.

Stuff I Loved

Courtesy Lionsgate
“Look, friend, you better keep the sparkles outta my vampire flick, or so help me I will go completely Green Goblin on your ass.”

  • Sam Neill. I love the way he projects cold, objective creepiness in all of his scenes. He’s very much an old-school vampire, Dracula in a suit, uncompromising in the realization of his desires and ruthless in the execution of his will. He’s manipulative, he’s diabolic, and I adored every scene he was in.
  • Willem Dafoe. I don’t know if I need to say much more about the man, as he’s one of the most versatile and memorable character actors I’ve ever seen, and this performance is no exception. It’s almost like he and Sam are vying for the position of ‘most awesome character’ in this movie, and I think it’s just about a tie. I love his cars, too – I think my father owned a Firebird Trans Am at one point.
  • In spite of his reluctant vampire role in the first act, Ethan Hawke does a great job of giving us a main character with an arc we can follow and growth we can support. Again, my initial near-annoyance with his constant protestation wore off very quickly, and he’s one of the characters that show real humanity and depth. I have to admit I’m not terribly familiar with a lot of his work, and after seeing Daybreakers, I know I need to change that.
  • The pace of this film, and the tightness of its storytelling, are just about perfect. It doesn’t throw too many things at us at once so we lose track of what’s going on or what’s at stake, it takes the time to develop its characters just enough for us to care about them, it doesn’t skimp on the action or the gore, and it does all of this with the sparing use of special effects and a brevity that’s refreshing and compelling.
  • The scene in the shade of the tree where Ethan Hawke and Willem Dafoe meet for the first time was done so well I about giggled with glee. From the car’s automated warning about the UV level to Hawke all but dancing from one pool of shadow to the next, the scene was downright exceptional. I got the feeling he was in real danger, putting himself at extreme risk for the sake of something he believed in. This scene caused most of my initial annoyance at his character to evaporate, and from then on I was definitely rooting for him.

Bottom Line: I’m going to reiterate MovieBob’s sentiment: You should go see this. I know some people out there aren’t big fans of gore, which means they’re missing out on a great example of screenwriting, acting and direction. It’s paced perfectly, the story is packed expertly, every character has nuances and depth and the action ramps up towards the end to just the right pitch. If you can handle a good amount of on-screen blood, especially in the film’s third act, Daybreakers is a satisfying and rousing revival of the old-school vampire movie. It does everything right, doesn’t sell you short and will leave you wanting more. Go sink your metaphorical fangs into it. This is a badass movie, and it is definitely, definitely worth your time.

Canned Goods: History of Lighthouse

Canned Burger

Since even after the lion’s share of my first day back at work I still have a veritable mountain of e-mails to which I must respond lest a client become incensed or the universe explodes or something else monumentally dire occurs, here’s something related to the novel upon which I’d be working if I had the time. Here there be spoilers… kinda. I guess. I’m still tired from the weekend, shut up.

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IT CAME FROM NETFLIX! Rise: Blood Hunter

Logo courtesy Netflix.  No logos were harmed in the creation of this banner.

(special request by Monica Flink. Thanks for your support!)

[audio:http://www.blueinkalchemy.com/uploads/rise.mp3]

Vampires killing vampires really isn’t anything new. It’s ground that’s been trod pretty heavily. But while Blade focuses on gadgetry and the badassness of Wesley Snipes, and Underworld deals with the world of normal people as little as possible, Rise: Blood Hunter tells a tight, character-focused tale about a vampire killing other vampires and, all in all, does it pretty well. The film stars Lucy Liu, Michael Chiklis, James, D’Arcy, Carla Gugino, Mako and Marilyn Manson.

Courtesy Destination Films

Lucy Liu plays Sadie Blake, a reporter covering a trend in the goth music & “sludge rock” scenes of people throwing over-the-top parties involving blood-drinking. One of her sources, Sadie Rawlins, ends up dead after one of these parties and her father, a cop (Michael Chiklis), becomes driven to uncover the truth behind the murder. Meanwhile, Sadie investigates and catches the attention of the vampires who are using the parties as a smokescreen for their feeding. They interrogate her, then rape and murder her. However, she wakes up in the morgue to discover that not only isn’t she dead, she can’t die by normal means – she throws herself into traffic to find that one out. She’s taken in by a benevolent, renegade vampire who trains her to fight in order to seek vengeance for herself. In the course of her roaring rampage, she encounters Rawlins, and after some tense arguments, they agree to help each other in finishing off the blood-suckers.

While the movie focuses more on characters than cool powers or gizmos, it should be mentioned that the characters are somewhat one-note. With the exception of Lucy Liu, the characters don’t grow or develop much over the course of the film. The cop’s driven, tough as nails and busted up over his daughter. The lead vampire’s an arrogant sex-driven jerk. The rest of the cast doesn’t get a lot of screen-time in which to develop. Carla Gugino’s Eve had potential to be interesting but she is killed off rather arbitrarily. On the one hand, I wanted to see more of her character (and not just because of her lesbian scenes with Lucy Liu), but on the other I believe this was a decision made to show the myopic drive of Lucy’s character and to keep the story moving without weighing it down with a lot of extra characters.

The story does amble along at an admirable pace. Despite it’s brisk clip, however, it doesn’t really go anywhere. The revenge plot isn’t overly complicated, be it dressed in the black skull-bearing gunplay of The Punisher or the sword and sandals epicness of Gladiator. Rise pretty much just gives the plot fangs and sends it on its way. While it’s nice to see a story that isn’t bogged down with glitzy CGI or over-complicated gizmos, the simplicity of the plot doesn’t really make it, or the characters who are a part of it, anything terribly interesting.

There’s one big hole in the plot that I’d be remiss in ignoring. When Sadie’s murdered, she’s left alone in the morgue to fend for herself. We learn later that her becoming a vampire was Eve’s doing. Now, most vampire stories & societies with which I’m familiar have the vampire responsible for the creation present with their offspring to guide them through the transition from breathing & mortal to dead but immortal, which is pretty jarring to say the least. This would especially apply if Eve was fed up with the preening self-centered prick who’d put Sadie in this position in the first place, and wanted to mentor Sadie into becoming the hunter. Instead, Sadie is left to wander around on her own and eventually just kills everybody she meets. Her mentor’s a relatively insignificant character in the grand scheme of things and is given all the development of a Polaroid shaken like a can of spray paint. While having Sadie spend time in the morgue so her family knows she’s dead is an effective tool in her transition, Eve would have made a much more interesting voice of guidance, especially in light of her conversation with Sadie after Sadie becomes a vampire. But, alas, I don’t write screenplays.

Despite these problems, Rise: Blood Hunter is still a solid story, if somewhat straightforward and simplistic. Lucy Liu does a good job of carrying the story, conveying what pathos she can in a few scant scenes that aren’t “Sadie shows up, kills a vampire & leaves,” and she and Chiklis have pretty good chemistry in the handful of scenes they share – although I for one was just waiting for Chiklis to have an excuse to tell us when it was clobberin’ time. The atmosphere is good, the action is grounded and the overall experience, while not setting the world on fire, does its job without overstaying its welcome. If you’re a fan of vampires, revenge plots or Lucy Liu kicking ass, you could do worse than Rise: Blood Hunter.

Did I mention the Carla Gugino/Lucy Liu lesbian scene? I think I did.

Josh Loomis can’t always make it to the local megaplex, and thus must turn to alternative forms of cinematic entertainment. There might not be overpriced soda pop & over-buttered popcorn, and it’s unclear if this week’s film came in the mail or was delivered via the dark & mysterious tubes of the Internet. Only one thing is certain… IT CAME FROM NETFLIX.

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