We hear all sorts of voices every day. None are more pervasive and frightening than those that come from within. They can amplify what we hear from others, or contradict the good things we’re told, or even drown out support and reinforcement from people we care about. There are two very important skills that I feel one needs to learn in order to overcome these distractions and potential downfalls: learn to listen to the right voices, and have the agency to listen to our own, true voice.
As I maintain in this week’s vlog, our feelings, and the voices that emerge from them, are not invalid. They do come from honest places, even if they are places we do not recognize or want to acknowledge within us. The Shadow contains all sorts of things – fears, ambitions, instincts, hatreds, doubts, etc – and it is up to our conscious mind to evaluate those things and parse the useful and constructive from the antiquated, the superfluous, or the ridiculous. You see, ‘valid’ and ‘useful’ are not the same thing. It’s a valid want to plop oneself down on the couch and flip on a glowing screen for hours, but how useful is that when there is work to be done? Granted, some time lost in mindless entertainment can be useful for self-care, but so can a minor chore like washing dishes or sorting out laundry, and those have the advantage of organizing our lives and allowing more space for focused self-care.
The point is, the voices we struggle to live with and understand are valid, necessary parts of our psyches. I use the visceral imagery of “Josh-that-was” to place my previous, short-sighted, self-deceptive, and ultimately ruinous behavior in a category of useless, old, and broken thoughts. While I myself may not be “broken” or “crazy”, the fact is that things did break in the course of Josh-that-was doing what it did. My heart, the hearts of others, the trust of others, and so many other things that haunt me and pain me to this day, and may do so for the rest of my life. I may never make it right. I may never get closure. And I have to accept that as a possibility. The price of the actions of Josh-that-was. The punishment for those acts. The scars left behind on my soul.
Ugh. This is getting maudlin. Back to my point.
If we can manage to look forward, towards a better version of ourselves that is worth working towards, we can better determine which of the voices we hear every day support and build upon that goal, and which ones hold us back. This is not to say that such voices do not have their uses. Self-correction is an essential part of the growth process. Without it, we can slip into the stream of our own bullshit without realizing it, and start bathing in it before we know what’s going on. We have to be aware of our potential downfalls and incoming hazards. We have to grasp our emotional and mental demons and wrestle them to the ground. We have to imagine ourselves as complexly as we do others, see our flaws for what they are, and figure out how best to overcome, integrate, or work around them.
We must, indeed, check ourselves before we wreck ourselves.
And that means, knowing which of our voices are worth listening to.
For example, I could listen to the voices telling me to delve into the Internet at the dark hours of the night, when other, more insidious ones drag me towards a past I am working so hard to move away from. They encourage me to look into the lives of those with whom I’ve lost contact. I know, in my rational mind, that this sort of thing always leaves me feeling depressed, lonely, and thoroughly angry at the supidity of the actions of Josh-that-was. I still feel the impulse to click, to read, to scroll. It’s very difficult to shout down that voice. But it isn’t useful. It isn’t constructive. It teaches me nothing new, it lends me no strength or courage, and I ultimately have better things to do with my time and energy.
This sort of thing is tiring. Have you ever shouted or sang or cried until your throat hurt? Imagine that process within your own mind. Sometimes you have to shout to let your voice be heard. You have to sing at the top of your metaphorical lungs even if nobody is listening – some would say, especially if nobody is listening. It’s the best way, sometimes the only way, to keep ourselves in check and on a path to positive, constructive growth. Over the last few months I’ve metaphorically shouted myself raw at times to make sure I am taking steps away from what I was. It’s the only way I know to keep myself on this path. By myself. For myself.
Even when it hurts, much like exercise or growth, we have to listen to the right voice. We have to focus on the ones from within us that want us to succeed. It can take effort, and time, and leave you exhausted and worn out. But it’s something we all have to learn. If we want to grow into the people we’ve seen ourselves as being, the people we deserve to be, and the people around us deserve to be with, we have to learn to listen for those right voices.
