I’m afraid today’s Free Fiction is getting postponed.
The shuffling of matters at the dayjob have thrown certain things for a loop and I’m struggling to catch up. I’m also still getting settled into the new OS install at home, and contemplating a scrub of the laptop (it’s a long story). I do have some ideas for upcoming Free Fiction entry, which may eventually yeild an anthology, since I’m going to be sticking with the re-telling of myths.
This next one’s turning out pretty well and I want to take my time with it. So, right around Valentine’s Day, you’ll be getting a double helping of Free Fiction with a longer-than-usual tale, tentatively entitled “Miss Weaver’s Lo Mein.”
It’ll make sense in context.
I also want to get some work for Amaranthine done, hopefully before the Machine Age crew head out to California. This new project of theirs has all of the originality and edginess of Maschine Zeit with some really interesting backstory thrown in, and I’m eager to be a part of it.
Queries are rolling around in peoples Inboxes and some should be rolling back to me soon. Probably in the form of a rejection. But that’s the way of things. More queries will be going out as soon as I can compile a fresh list of agent names.
And the outline for a new novel is taking shape. Slowly. A braindump will be coming soon.
Still not sure what sort of video editing software I’ll be able to use, but folks seem to continue enjoying IT CAME FROM NETFLIX! in its current form for now, so I’m not exactly in a rush to put that on my plate.
On top of all of this is the impending trip to Canada in a few weeks. By the way, I’m still interested in guest posters chiming in during that week. If you have something you want to talk about/discuss/rant on related to writing or gaming, and want a different outlet for it, hit me up.
Finally, with the wintery mix coming down on our heads, tonight’s D&D was postponed, so no Into the Nentir Vale this week. Luckily I set up the final confrontation of the Battle of Albridge before we parted ways last week, so we can start rolling the moment we get settled and I have my beer.
There have been doorstopper fantasies and sci-fi epics that have kept me enraptured for every page. Short fiction has a bigger task, as it needs to grab me, pull me in and keep me in the nuances of its story not with every page, but with every single word. Not every writer can do it.
Chuck Wendig does.
Irregular Creatures captures the madness, the brilliance and the desperation of ten years in a writer’s life. It has pieces long and short, narratives that tug the heartstrings and images that chill the blood. It’s a literary roller-coaster, the long hill of the opener coupled with quick drops and sudden, neck-snapping turns that surprise and confound. Any reader with the savvy and intestinal fortitude to pick this up will not be disappointed, and may ruminate upon the stories within for days to come or longer.
Okay, hyperbole and back-cover-copy aside?
It’s 3 bucks. For 8 stories. That will completely blow your mind.
Scroll back up and click “Buy.” You won’t be sorry.
Disturbed, surprised, impressed? Yes. Sorry? No.
So that’s the Amazon version. Was trying to keep it short for the benefit of bleary-eyed Amazonians just looking for a quick fix to get them through the cold, white months. Hopefully they found it helpful.
Here’s the longer, blow-by-blow version. There are synopses for these over on the page where you buy the thing, so let me tell you how each one hits you and where, and why each of them work on different levels.
Dog-Man and Cat-Bird (A Flying Cat Story) is that long hill before the initial big drop I mentioned. This one doesn’t just tug on your heartstrings, it gives them a hearty pull and then throws you over its shoulder into its dark but uplifting world. It’s a ride, start to finish, a microcosm of the entire work. Even if it weren’t part of an anthology, it’d be a stand-out bit of modern supernatural fantasy/horror. The protagonist is instantly relatable and earnest, the characters are realistically drawn to a one and it never feels contrived on any level. It justifies the entire project in and of itself. It’s no wonder Cat-Bird is on the thing’s cover.
A Radioactive Monkey follows the long drop with a short twist. A good little cautionary tale that still plays with our expectations. Clearly, whatever the reality taking unknown drinks from strange women is a bad idea.
Product Placement takes us to a place that is instantly familiar and thoroughly alien. You may take a closer look at the contents of your nearest vending machine the next time you’re craving a candy bar.
This Guy is you. Maybe. It could be. That’s the hook, the horror of it. The narrator’s an everyday guy, at least he starts out that way. But every day for the everyday guy is and feels the same, and that can change you. It feels like a straight on the coaster before it drops again.
Mister Muh’s Pussy Show feels greasy, dirty, delicious and very much a guilty pleasure.
Lethe and Mnemosyne. It uses every single fucking word precisely. Brilliant.
The Auction brings us back to fairy tale land. With a child protagonist and something that’s two parts Dahl and two parts Barker, we’re in for another wild ride. It front-loads with promise and, like the rest of the tales, does not disappoint.
Beware of Owner is another short that quickly yanks the rug out from under us. You can almost hear Chuck giggling as the full scope of the situation dawns upon us. Bastard.
Do-Overs and Take-Backs rounds out the anthology with another cautionary tale and a fine example of dual plot tracks slowly but surely becoming entwined. It has the horror, the humor, the weirdness and the brilliance of all that came before, and still remains its own creature. (See that? See what I did there?)
So, yeah, like I said. 3 bucks for 8 stories that’ll blow your mind. Basically, we’re robbing Chuck blind. He’s poured years of his heart and soul into this and we walk away with it for a song. You’ll be hard-pressed to find a better deal pretty much anywhere.
When I was growing up I would hear of stories, movies or episodes of television that were touted as ‘not for the faint of heart.’ They promised thrills and surprises aimed at an adult audience, one that could handle the nature of the material. Not that they wouldn’t have nightmares afterward, mind you, just that they could handle those nightmares. Had Splice come out in such a time, it definitely would have been called not for the faint of heart. I’d go one step further, though, and say it’s not for the slow of brain, either.
Have you ever seen scientists acting or treated like rock stars? That’s the best way to describe Clive and Elsa. Iconoclastic, brilliant and possessed of the particular kind of crazy that makes advancements in modern science possible, they’re splicing together designer organisms for the benefit of a major bio-tech firm interested in the next big pharmacuetical breakthrough. Recent success has shown them the potential of splicing human DNA into the mix to provide clues for things like curing cancer and growing organs. Their sponsors, fearing a moral backlash, put the kibosh on that idea. So Clive and Elsa do it anyway. The experiment starts going awry almost immediately, but does result in a viable organism. Her name is Dren.
If I were to give a single piece of advice when it comes to Splice, I’d say go into it without any expectations. The movie’s plot, characters and structure pull the viewer in and carry them along while teasing their mind with questions of morality and scientific advancement. It doesn’t necessary spoon-feed you answers, but it doesn’t assume you don’t know what’s going on either. It’s the kind of movie that rewards, rather than punishes, higher thought aimed in its direction. It’s one of those movies you’ll be thinking about after you see it, and any revulsion you feel will probably be aimed at the subtleties of the subject matter rather than the movie itself. This isn’t a cheap, knock-off creature feature, folks. This is thoroughly cerebral and deeply disturbing science fiction.
Something made a nummy noise, and it wasn’t Clive or Elsa.
Director Vincenzo Natali provides the movie with its very careful pace and nuanced mood. It’s clear that in telling this story, he not only wants to entertain, he wants to raise questions. And the questions end up being as shocking as the entertainment. How much is science being held back by old ideas and antique sentiments? While the motivations of Clive and Elsa’s superiors might be rooted firmly in finances, the impetus for their reluctance to back the scientists up is framed in the notion that “there would be a moral outrage.” As much as the duo extol the virtues and potential benefits of their work, it’s unfortunately true that champions of ‘decency’ and religion would be inconsolably enraged and disturbed at the very idea of using human material in designer organisms. The movie, however, never really addresses this issue and keeps its focus tightly on our pair of protagonists.
Sarah Polley and Adrien Brody play Elsa and Clive as very smart people with bright ideas and disapproving superiors, forced to go rogue and underground to make those ideas come to life. But over and above their idealism and intelligence is the fact that these are very much people, with all that entails. Sure, they’re brilliant, attractive and have great attitudes, but they’re also flawed human beings with neuroses and insecurities. A lot of movies in this vein can dial down the human element to emphasize the monstser or monsters in play, but Splice doesn’t do that. It never feels like a firm line is drawn with one side of the argument in the right while the other is wrong. It’s left up to us to decide, and at the same time, we’re presented with the question of Dren.
Beautiful and disturbing at the same time, like a lot of stuff on DeviantArt.
For all of its highbrow ideas and good characterisation, this is still essentially a monster movie, and what a monster we have! Dren’s evolution happens before our very eyes, and without speaking a word she conveys volumes of emotion and information. As she matured I was reminded of the otherworldiness of a young Milla Jovovich in the Fifth Element, with the ways Dren moves and interacts with the world around her. This feeling is deepened with the subtle blending of great acting on the part of Delphine Chaneac and CGI never overwhelms the humanity of the actors. Dren is, like her ‘parents’, a very human creature, but is also so inhuman that it’s always quite clear we’re dealing with something different, something curious and intelligent… something thoroughly dangerous.
I’ve tried my utmost to avoid spoiling anything, because Splice is a movie best served without preamble or preconception. Like I said, leave your expectations at the door when this one starts. Unlike a lot of modern movies out there, it doesn’t hesitate to engage the mind while simultaneously entertaining and occasionally horrifying the senses. It never plays its odd elements for cheap scares, and disturbs in a way that’s much more David Cronenberg’s The Fly than anything dreamt up by Wes Craven or even Stephen King. It’s a superlative piece of work, probably the best science fiction film I’ve seen since Moon, and definitely, definitely worth a place on your Netflix queue.
Josh Loomis can’t always make it to the local megaplex, and thus must turn to alternative forms of cinematic entertainment. There might not be overpriced soda pop & over-buttered popcorn, and it’s unclear if this week’s film came in the mail or was delivered via the dark & mysterious tubes of the Internet. Only one thing is certain… IT CAME FROM NETFLIX.
In the Burning Crusade, Blizzard opened up an entire new world. For Wrath of the Lich King, the continent of Northrend became available. Now, in Cataclysm, a mere handful of new zones have been added to the existing contents. While this makes a lot of sense given the major cosmetic and mechanical changes to Azeroth due to Deathwing wrecking everybody’s homestead, if this trend continues, the next expansion will give us a bit of land about the size of Cuba players will fight over to establish their own banana republic.
Anyway, I recently concluded the quests and exploration of these new zones. Here are my thoughts on them, and unlike certain punditry outlets, I’m going to try and keep this as fair as possible.
Mount Hyjal
Since the conclusion of the Third War, the area atop Mount Hyjal in northern Kalimdor has been inaccessible, due to the world tree Nordrassil being protected by rampant overgrowth. While once this was believed to be a scar concealing a near-fatal wound, the emergence of Deathwing burned the growth away to reveal that Nordrassil had been healing all along. As druids and servants of Cenarius flocked to the site to protect the Tree, Deathwing has called upon his Twilight Hammer cultists and summoned an ally to burn the Tree to ashes once and for all: the Firelord Ragnaros.
If you’re a long-time fan of Warcraft and enamoured with its lore, Hyjal’s a great place to start. While its opening quests feel a bit like the same-old “Kill X amount of monster Y” in a forest not unlike that around the night elf starting zone, interacting with the legendary Ancients and the buildup to the final chain make the questing worthwhile outside of the material rewards. It definitely gets you into the feeling of older Warcraft games in terms of setting and lore, but it also reminds the player of older content best left forgotten. Overall, though, a pretty solid zone.
Vashj’ir
Thrall has made his choice, abdicating leadership of the Horde to Garrosh Hellscream and becoming leader of Azeroth’s shamans, the Earthen Ring. The Maelstrom in the middle of the sea has grown even more tumultuous in the wake of Deathwing’s awakening, and he has called for champions to aid him in preserving the balance of elements. En route, however, adventurers find themselves assaulted by a vicious sea monster and dragged into the cold depths below. With help from the Earthen Ring, the source of this kraken must be discovered, and answers lie within the sunken elven city of Vash’jir.
Vashj’ir is the other ‘starting’ area of Cataclysm’s new content, and it begins with a bang that plunges its players quite literally into unfamiliar waters. Over and above all else, the visuals in the zone are absolutely stunning. The diversity and danger of deep sea life is captured quite well, considering the engine is six years old. However, it’s not all good news beneath the waves. Needing to navigate and fight in three dimensions can be disorienting at first, and even once you get the hang of it, adequate view distance may not be enough to save you from a band of angry creatures diving toward you seemingly out of nowhere. The lore within the area feels tangential to the rest of the content of the expansion, and while the look inside naga society is interesting, the goblin submarine a neat distraction and the cephalopod exploration unique (if somewhat disturbing for some), the bulk of the zone doesn’t really stand out the way others do. It’s not as bad as some people might make it out to be, which shouldn’t be a surprise considering this is the WoW community we’re talking about, but I feel it’s the weakest of the five zones. Which is a bit like saying The Two Towers is the weakest of the Lord of the Rings trilogy of films. Relative to the other two, it might be true, but relative to other films they tend to blow everything else out of the water. So, your mileage may vary.
Deepholm
Deathwing tore his way back to Azeroth and left nothing untouched in his wake. Even the Elemental Plane of Earth was affected, as the pillar supporting Azeroth from below was cracked. While the druids tend to the World Tree above, the World Pillar below threatens to collapse, taking Azeroth with it. To prevent this, one must venture into Deepholm, home of the Stone Mother Therazane. The Twilight Hammer has made beachheads here, and adventurers must put a stop to their misddeds if the world is to be saved. In this place, the cultists and heroes have something in common: they are unwelcome.
Like Vashj’ir, this is a zone that has a lot of eye candy going for it. Instead of making things a uniform gray or brown, color explodes out of corners of Deepholm almost without warning. Adding the characterization of Therazane to that of Ragnaros and Neptulon (the lord of Water, featured at the end of Vashj’ir’s final quest chain and its solitary dungeon) expands the history of Azeroth in an interesting way, and other NPCs make time spent in Deepholm worthwhile. Mylra quickly became my second-favorite dwarf behind Brann Bronzebead. Deepholm is also like Vashj’ir in some moments of tedium, and unlike Vashj’ir, the nature of the rewards from gaining reputation with Therazane means it’s more than likely you’ll be coming back. Still, I enjoyed Deepholm more than Vashj’ir, and I look forward to earning the Pebble vanity pet. Who knew a pet rock could be so gosh-darn cute?
Uldum
The sands have uncovered forgotten lands due to the shift brought about by Deathwing. To the south of Tanaris lies the lost land of Uldum, an ancient desert kingdom used by the Titans for experimentation. In addition to its curious indigenous people is evidence of the Titans’ work, valuable to both archaeologists who would study it and dark opportunists who would usurp it. Finally, the djinn-like beings that have seized control of the Elemental Plane of Air had come to Azeroth through Uldum, allying themselves with Deathwing.
No matter what you seek in Uldum, you won’t be bored. The introduction of the society in Ramkahen deepens the diversity of life on Azeroth even if their presence may feel tangential to some. The quests in Uldum are a particular delight, changing pace and focus quite often in addition to packing the zone with hiarlious references. Individual quests can harken to everything from The Great Escape to Katamari Damacy, and then there’s the long chain that just might have you whistling the Indiana Jones theme. The dungeons in Uldum are a diverse lot and continue the trend of changing up challenges. The only circumstances under which someone might not enjoy Uldum is if they find these sorts of things tedious or just don’t like deserts.
Twilight Highlands
Seat of the Twilight’s Hammer and its leader, the mad ogre-mage Cho’gall, the Twilight Highlands are also the site of a conflict that has not ceased in ages, between the Wildhammer dwarves and the Dragonmaw orcs. Despite the looming mutual threat of Deathwing and his cronies, these two just won’t stop killing each other. While there may not be an end to hostilities in sight, canny adventurers can win some support from their respective if wayward allies and make an assault upon not only the Twilight’s Hammer’s holdings, but also upon Deathwing himself, with a little help from Alexstraza and the red dreagonflight.
The Highlands get off to a good start, tossing the player into the conflict bodily. There are bits of very enjoyable questing here, from the Horde opening to the assault on the Bastion’s gates, but between these bits is some cross-faction conflict that underscores the resurgence of lore-friendly PvP in Cataclysm. As hilarious as it is to set fire to Wildhammer kegs only to see them violently explode – they’re something like 200 proof – I personally felt that dealing with the mutual threat of Deathwing and the Twilight Hammer should come before perpetuating very old grudges. This doesn’t make the content in the middle of Twilight Highlands bad, per se, and it’s a solid zone overall especially in comparison to Vashj’ir. It could also be that, despite being Horde, I’ve always liked the Wildhammer dwarves and I felt a little bad scoping and dropping so many of the amusing and badass woad-wearing drunken brawlers.
There you have it. In my completely subjective and not-at-all authoritative opinion, Uldum is the strongest zone of Cataclysm while Vashj’ir comes up a bit short. However, all of the Cataclysm material represents a high point in Blizzard’s design, a welcome departure from the things that made Wrath of the Lich King so tedious in general. While that expansion had only a few standout zones, every single area of Cataclysm has something going for it.
Not every adaptation has to be 100% accurate in its translation of the source material. I mean, honestly, how would the Lord of the Rings film trilogy had been helped by the presence of Tom Bombadil? In spite of his absence, the films are faithful to the spirit of the books, encapsulating the epic journeys of the Fellowship and the struggle to overcome the forces of evil. I bring this up because Lady Death suffers from a problem entirely different from missing a couple incidental characters. It’s missing just about everything that made the original enjoyable.
Lady Death got her start in the now-defunct CHAOS! Comics, the brainchild of Brian Pulido and the late Steven Hughes. She was initially cast merely as the eye-candy head-girlfriend of flagship character Evil Ernie, but proved popular enough that she got her own stories in the form of several mini-series and the occasional unrelated but not-unwelcome ‘swimsuit’ issue. Her story was that of a young girl named Hope who had the misfortune of being labeled a witch in Mideval Europe. Burning at the stake, she cries out to anyone or anything that can save her, and Lucifer answers. Hope has no desire to suffer in Hell has she did in life, but is told by Lucifer that she will never go free as long as living men walk the Earth. Hope’s answer is to hook up with a renegade eldritch blacksmith and vow to kill every single human being on the planet just to stick it to Lucifer. Now there’s a female empowerment story for you!
The movie takes a slightly different tack from a plot perspective. Instead of looking to get one over on Old Scratch, Hope undergoes her transformation and training for a more straight-up showdown scenario, the plan being for her to overthrow Lucifer and reign in Hell as a slightly less prickish potentate. The intent was to make Lady Death a little bit more of a ‘positive’ heroine instead of an anti-heroine. At least, that’s my understanding. While the concept alone takes away from some of the uniqueness of her character, it doesn’t dilute her symbolism. A woman consistently and thoroughly screwed over by men taking up arms to overthrow a male oppressor is still in keeping with Pulido’s original concept. While Lady Death can face challenges or even defeat, she never, ever plays the victim.
We miss you, Steve.
The same cannot be said for the rest of the source material. Pulido and Hughes were never afraid to veer into camp territory occasionally, and more than once you’ll catch Lady Death enjoying the slaughter she visits upon those in her path, sporing one of Hughes’ trademark grins. The movie’s masters, on the other hand, seem to have drained all of the life and joy out of Lady Death’s character along with her skin color. While playing her as more of the stereotypical stoic anti-hero might seem more fitting of the character by virtue of her name, both Brian Pulido and Neil Gaiman would tell you that a character named Death need not be… well, dead.
A big part of this major flaw in the movie comes from the era in which Lady Death was born. You see, in the 90s there was a trend of comic book protagonists who had some connection to the afterlife, be it J.O. Barr’s resurrected avenger The Crow or Todd MacFarlane’s anti-hero-from-Hell Spawn. While J.O. did it better than just about anybody else, there was no shortage of pretenders to this genre and the concurrent explosion of dark, edgy entertainment just about anywhere you looked. The explosion of the goth subculture seemed to have a lot of young people dressing in black and extolling the virtues of these damned heroes. Lady Death, in retrospect, seems to have had purpose that was two-fold, at least while she was under the control of CHAOS! – bring a much-needed female protagonist into this mix, and take the piss out of the genre at the same time by letting Lady Death enjoy being an infernal vixen of might and destruction. She never seems to enjoy anything she does in the movie, and the whole thing suffers as a result.
I could do better line work than this. And I suck.
It also suffers from some of the choppiest animation I have ever seen. I’ve indulged in more than my share of both anime and US-grown cartoons. ADV Films usually distributes anime, but don’t be fooled by the emblem on this thing. This is nowhere near as good as Evangelion or Berserk in terms of art or execution. The whole thing feels rushed, like it’s more the result of a high-schooler’s Lady Death fan-fiction brought to life than the concerted effort of a serious animation studio. And if it were based on a fanfic, there’d be a bit more titillation going on. A big part of Lady Death’s appeal has been her look and the way she casually flaunts her sexuality, even if the art that followed in the wake of Steve’s unfortunate passing dialed down the nihilistic glee that was just as much a part of her character as her skimpy outfits. But the lackluster nature of this animation means that there isn’t much enjoyment to be had looking at her. Add some flat voice acting, a plodding story pace and a total lack of originality to the mix and you have about a hundred minutes of completely wasted time.
Don’t take this review as a condemnation of Lady Death. On the contrary, even after a few reboots she still functions as the rare female protagonist in comic books who isn’t over-sexualized or completely undermined by the presence of males. Sure, she’s fun to look at, but her exploits are usually just as much fun to read. Seek out her books if you’d like to find out more about her, but as for the movie, skip it. Your time would be better spent finding some of that fan-fiction I mentioned. Especially if it crosses over with, say, Vampirella or something.
…Apparently, this is a canon crossover. …AWESOME.
Josh Loomis can’t always make it to the local megaplex, and thus must turn to alternative forms of cinematic entertainment. There might not be overpriced soda pop & over-buttered popcorn, and it’s unclear if this week’s film came in the mail or was delivered via the dark & mysterious tubes of the Internet. Only one thing is certain… IT CAME FROM NETFLIX.
