sci-fi – Page 25 – Blue Ink Alchemy

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IT CAME FROM NETFLIX! The Fifth Element

[audio:http://www.blueinkalchemy.com/uploads/fifth_e.mp3]

Originality is a rare commodity in movies these days. Adaptations, remakes and wholly derivative works clog the cinemas and jostle one another in cajoling you for your money. There was a time when an original spectacle didn’t have to count on a phrase like “You have to see it in 3-D to get the most out of it.” I’m speaking here of films like Metropolis, Blade Runner and Akira, films with such singular and original visions that they blew minds when they first debuted, and in some ways still remain fresh by the light of modern screens. This is not to say The Fifth Element ascends to that sort of cinematic pantheon, but it does provide some stunningly unique visuals that speak to the ambition, passion and imagination of its creator. And it’s a blast to watch.

Our story begins in 1914, where an archaeologist in Egypt uncovers an ancient tomb where a desperate battle was once waged. Every 5,000 years, a great and powerful evil force crosses into our universe from parts unknown bent on wiping out all life – at least on Earth, it doesn’t seem to make any other pit stops. Anyway, the archaeologist translates the ancient depiction to tell us that the only way to defeat this evil is with the four elements – air, fire, earth and water – gathered around a mysterious fifth, an ‘ultimate warrior’. No sooner are we given this exposition than the imposing but benevolent Mondoshawan aliens arrive, revealing that the four elemental stones and the warrior (in a sort of statue stasis thing) were right under the archaeologist’s nose, and now must be removed from Earth due to the oncoming World War. It’s when the movie time-skips ahead 300 years that director Luc Besson completely assaults our eye sockets in a way most would probably thank him for.

New York City, 2263. Reports are coming to Earth of a giant ball of fire impervious to damage and on a collision course. With help from a terrestrial priest, the Mondoshawan contact Earth with the intent to return the five elements to battle the incoming evil, but they are intercepted by vicious thug-like and extremely unpleasant aliens called Mangalores. All that is left is the hand of the Mondoshawan’s passenger, and through super-science, Earth technicians reconstruct the ultimate warrior, revealing it to be a beautiful if waifish humanoid who promptly escapes. Korben Dallas, played by Bruce Willis as a mix between Butch from ‘Pulp Fiction’ and a futuristic John McClane, is a retired space fighter pilot and special ops soldier making a living as a cab driver when the warrior, ‘Leeloo’, drops literally into his lap. Korben and Leeloo end up working with the priest to retrieve the elemental stones, which are also sought by malevolent arms dealer Zorg, who employed the Mangalores but isn’t really the most scrupulous of business partners. He likes to blow things up, especially people who disappoint him.

I’m starting to think there’s no role Gary Oldman can’t absolutely nail.

What we have here is indeed a mish-mash of elements. Mysticism, cyberpunk, blazing sci-fi gunplay and some generous portions of ham are all mixed up in a very colorful and boisterous way. This is a film crafted and directed with a bit of abandon, a touch of whimsy that clearly has roots in the genesis of the story, which director Luc Besson wrote when he was a teenager. When it comes to cinematography, set design and special effects, this movie not only delivers but holds up despite the way in which graphics have marched on. The aliens not only feel real, given that they’re not composed entirely of pixels, but they also seem… well, alien.

To some, the entire film might feel that way. Some people might not be able to allow the visuals to overcome some of the way the elements of the film don’t blend as smoothly as they could. Others might feel it’s a tad long in the tooth, from the first scene in Egypt to sequences like Leeloo learning about war. And I’m sure that while I found Chris Tucker’s extremely flamboyant intergalactic DJ “RUBY RHOD!” to be hilarious more often than not, some might get rubbed entirely the wrong way by him. Other characters may feel one-note, underdeveloped or just outright insufferable. Broken into individual elements, there’s a lot in The Fifth Element that has no right whatsoever to work as well as it does in the final equation. It’s an over-the-top and completely off-the-wall sci-fi pantomime, which might put it in the “Pass” column for some people.

No, no, no, Leeloo, I said ‘Pass’. Not ‘Multi-Pass’.

However, to others (including myself), that’s part of its charm. Much like Flash Gordon, the sense of camp and self-awareness that permeates The Fifth Element keeps it from being taken too seriously. And when viewed merely as a feast for the eyes and two hours of escapist fantasy fun, rather than a treatise on The Power of Love or a would-be usurper of the Star Wars juggernaut, the film reveals a sense of humor not just about itself, but the genre in general. It’s light-hearted, surprisingly quotable and unafraid to make some of its set pieces, costumes and characters downright ridiculous in the name of having a little fun.

The Fifth Element is ultimately harmless, diverting and enjoyable if you can forgive some of the rougher patches in the storytelling in terms of scene length and characterization. It doesn’t make apologies for itself in that regard, however. It’s completely committed to delivering this campy, colorful and rather unique vision of the future, which in my opinion is a nice change from the many variations on dystopia that seem to have come to dominate a large portion of the genre. There are plenty of great moments to carry a viewer from one scene to another, and many stand out in retrospect, from Zorg introducing his multi-use BFG to the Mangalores to the show-stopping Diva performance. Fans of science fiction, unique costuming, great make-up work and actors having an all-out blast with their roles could do a hell of a lot worse than The Fifth Element. Throw it on your Netflix queue and give it a look. Some might say it’s “So bad it’s good” and others claim it’s “So cool it’s awesome.” Personally, I’m one of those balls-out weirdos who happen to think it’s BOTH.

Josh Loomis can’t always make it to the local megaplex, and thus must turn to alternative forms of cinematic entertainment. There might not be overpriced soda pop & over-buttered popcorn, and it’s unclear if this week’s film came in the mail or was delivered via the dark & mysterious tubes of the Internet. Only one thing is certain… IT CAME FROM NETFLIX.

Maschine Zeit Update

April 10, 2010 / BlueInkAlchemist / 0 Comments

There’s quite a bit going on over at Machine Age Productions you might want to know about. They have a shiny new website and, if you like unique and fun tabletop games with original concepts, you can get in on the ground floor of Maschine Zeit.

They’ve begun a kickstarter, a cool little way to make sure the game gets a print run. Any contribution you can make will help them get real, tangible copies into the hands of potential players and Directors, not to mention ensuring the game’s mastermind, David A Hill, show up at a convention in a cocktail dress. It’s just as awesome as it sounds.

If you’re still not sold on the idea, or are as yet unsure as to the game’s premise, look no further than this little promotional poster I put together:

The stations were meant to save us. Millions of us went there.

Millions of us died there.

Now the stations hold secrets; both miraculous and terrible. Intrepid explorers from all over the world are going up there to look for answers, or profit, or loved ones.
What they are finding, some say, are that dead men do, in fact, tell tales.

It’s time to tell yours.

A role-playing game of ghost stories on space stations.
Coming in May 2010 from Machine Age Productions
http://www.machineageproductions.com/

Electronic Memory Space-Lane

April 5, 2010 / BlueInkAlchemist / 9 Comments

Trade Wars 2002, image courtesy PC World

Here’s a little tidbit for you young’uns who might be tuning into this little blog o’ mine.

Did you know that there were online games before the Internet existed?

When I was a lad (old man joke, oh crumbs there goes the hip, we’re walking, we’re walking) there were these little dial-up places called Bulletin Board Systems, or BBSs. This was long before anything resembling DSL existed, to say nothing of cable or fiber optics running into people’s homes. So one would dial into the BBS’ on-site modem (and if you only had one phone line, someone would need the phone ten seconds after you try dialing) and look at postings of news, jobs and whatnot. BBS setups also had something called ‘doors’.

A ‘door’ was less a physical portal and more the launching point for an on-line game. Of the many that got started back in the late 80s, one in particular not only stands out in my mind but is also played to this day: Trade Wars.

Last year PC World called it one of the greatest PC games ever. I’m hard-pressed to disagree. With simple text displays and ASCII art, Trade Wars would unashamedly eat up hours of my time, with commodities trading, space combat and interaction with other players. You know, the sort of thing that happens in EVE Online but without having to mine asteroids (at least not that I remember). The fact that this sort of game structure has survived into the graphical MMOG era not just as EVE but also as online and hosted versions of the old Trade Wars engine itself is a testament to the longevity and appeal of its simplicity. It doesn’t get much simpler than “Buy stuff for cheap, shoot anybody trying to shoot you, sell stuff for profit, 40 goto 10”.

I might look into finding a way for Blue Ink Alchemy to play host for a Trade Wars game of its own.

If people would be interested in playing, that is.

Maschine Zeit: “I’m gay for Twain.”

March 14, 2010 / BlueInkAlchemist / 1 Comment

In Filamena‘s Maschine Zeit game, I’ve put together a completely manic and caustic combination of Hunter S. Thompson and Spider Jerusalem. One of the groups in the game, the Independent Media, operates under the collective moniker of “S.L. Clemins” as a measure of protection. This guy, though? Don’t go in for that.

(Warning: adult language incoming.)

Spoiler

You want to know about the stations? Let me tell you about the stations. They’re the gift that keeps on giving. Earth has an overpopulation problem? Build stations & fill them with warm human bodies. Gamma-ray burst blow across the planet without making anybody Hulk out? Say the stations protected people and thus justified the investment of money and blood required to put them up. Still having energy problems? Stations have magic metal that’ll fix it. Ghost hunters running out of prisons and castles? Hey, the stations have ghosts too!

As far as I’m concerned, the stations are, have been and always will be so many tons of next-generation bullshit at the end of really, really long tethers. It’s the only reason they haven’t stinking up the planet.

I mean, yeah, we had to get some people off of the surface. We had way too many people and way too little usable space & consumable resources. Of course none of the old methods would go over that well with most governments. You ever try pitching the idea of putting a bunch of people from a given nationality or ethnicity into a little room and filling it with gas, for example? They’d tell you to go fuck yourself, and rightly so. For one thing, gunning people down’s a lot more fun.

What it boils down to is that everything about the stations is a lie. “This will solve the overpopulation problem.” They didn’t. “They’re completely safe.” Well, obviously they fucking aren’t. And now we’re to believe there’s magic metal up there and that it’s protected by ghosts? I’m as inclined to believe that as I am that the reason the stations came to be in the first place was a natural occurrence.

Basic premise of the world, folks: Everybody’s full of shit. I’m full of shit, you’re full of shit, and the corporate goons who sent all those good people to die up there are definitely full of shit. Maybe there really are ghosts on the stations. Maybe it’s one hell of a mass hallucination. Either way, it’s something I won’t buy stock in unless I get to see it myself. Not that I’ve got any chance of that. My last four steady jobs all ended because people who once considered themselves sponsors of mine, if not employers, did something embarrassing, tried to cover it up and got fucked over a cactus because they insisted on hiding it from one of the most annoying and thorough investigative journalists who ever stuck a cigarette in his shit-spewer and asked the hard fucking questions: Me.

I’m willing to entertain any theory about what’s happening up there, how things got up there and what the future holds. Just don’t throw a fucking hissy fit when I point out how illogical, unsubstantiated or thoroughly retarded your theory might be. Throw ’em at me, Internet, and I’ll knock ’em out of the park and when they break your mom’s window I’ll do more than go in there after it. If you get my meaning. And I’m sure you do.

By the way, guys, it’s “Clemens.” Samuel Langhorne fucking Clemens. Sure, all of you can be friends with this ‘Clemins’ guy, but me? I’m Samuel Langhorne fucking Clemens’ secret gay lover. And he really hates people misspelling his name. I really respect the work he’s done. The work you all have been doing? Eh, it’s hit or miss.

You’ll be hearing more from me, especially if you folks have the balls to throw ideas my way. You’ve got nothing to be afraid of, unless you’re afraid of me fucking you in the ass. I mean, if you’re all S.L. Clemins, you’re close enough for my tastes, and let me assure you, I’m very, very gay for Twain.

When I Was A Lad…

March 13, 2010 / BlueInkAlchemist / 2 Comments

Fair warning: this is a post that deals with my opinions, reflections and influences from growing up in the 80s. You may consider these the ramblings of a crazy old man if you like.

It’s also going to be picture-heavy, since I’m a bit strapped for time.

I grew up in the 80s. I was in my formative years during the Regean administration, the height of NASA’s Space Shuttle program, the tail end of the arcade’s heyday and the final years of the Cold War. I think it’s safe to say that, even from a young age, my tastes in entertainment verged towards escapism, especially speculative fiction in the form of movies. I watched a lot of movies.

Some of the movies I grew up loving and watching repeatedly to catch nuances and relive key moments have not, as they say, aged well. Some still hold up as entire moviegoing experiences while others look or feel a bit dated. I think there’s fertile ground for discussion in these films, especially if younger generations fail to understand why I consider them so influential. I don’t expect everybody to fall in love with these films the way I did. In fact, if I were to watch a couple of these films again I’m not sure my feelings about them would be as strong now as they were then. However, I think it’s safe to say that, for most of them, they can be considered classics in one regard or another.

I’d like to go in-depth on a few of these “nerd classics” another time, but for now, here’s some of the films that helped shape me as a movie geek and storyteller which some of you young whipper-snappers don’t respect, appreciate or even know about.

Spoiler